It was my first year of teaching in China.
I stood in front of my class at an adult training center, robotically reading and checking off students’ names from the class roster.
“Checkers?” I called.
“Here,” promptly answered Checkers.
“Bo-Bo?”
“Here!”
“Cici”
“Here!”
“Hitler?” I called before my brain could process the syllables being formed by my lips.
“Here!”
“Uhhh…” I stammered, squinting at the name, second-guessing my eyes.
“Your name is Hitler?” I said with a patronizing yet surprised tone. “Do you know who he was?”
“Yes,” he said, sitting up proudly, “He was a great leader.”
I placed my hand to my brow, shook my head, and sighed with pursed lips, “See me after class.”
Charlie Chaplin boldly satirized Hitler in The Great Dictator.
My student, however, was not going for satire.
Image: Youtube
Of course, the Chinese Fuehrer wasn’t my first student with a strange English name.
One of my classes was attended by a Candy, an Angel, a Cherry, and a Kitty. I thought I walked into Big Daddy’s Showclub, not an English classroom.
After teaching for just a few weeks I’d encountered a half dozen Apples, a few Bears, and a Vegetable and a Bacon (who would have made a lovely couple).
Hi Rainy, let me introduce your new classmates: Sunny, Stormy, and Cloudy.
Image: Quickmeme
Why do so many Chinese people choose ridiculous English names?
One reason is to make their name memorable. Who remembers a Mike, Alice, or Doug? But everyone remembers a Monster, a Brain, or a goddamned Dinosaur!
Also, sometimes their English names are rough transliterations of their Chinese names. For example, I had one student named Leeway. This is obviously a silly name in English. However, he explained to me that his Chinese name is 李伟 – Lǐ Wěi, which sounds nearly identical to Leeway.
In addition to transliterating their Chinese names, many Chinese people will directly translate their name into English. I had a student named White, for instance, whose given name was 白 – bái. As you know, bai means white. So his name was just a simple translation.
Other Chinese people choose a name that captures some aspect of their personality. Names carry much significance in Chinese culture, so the name-chooser may reach deep into their soul when choosing their name.
A perfect example of this comes from another former student of mine. Her name was Chaos. When I asked her why she chose this name, she told me because she has a dark and chaotic soul.
I recommended a shrink to her.
So Chaos, tell me about your mother.
Image: Bamm Global
I can’t say that I mind all the bizarre English names. I find them pretty entertaining, really. They add some zest to my daily life in China. How often can I meet a girl named Curtain back home?
Besides, I’d be a hypocrite to criticize a Chinese person for a silly English name, since my Chinese name is 杰夫 – jié fū (a transliteration of my English name that sounds similar to the Chinese word for brother-in-law).
I’m a fairly open and accepting person. They can call themselves Captain Poopypants for all I care. However, my bottom line is naming yourself after one of the worst people in history.
So whatever happened to my little dictator?
After our talk, he assured me he would change his name. A few weeks later I saw him in class. I glanced at the class roster, half expecting to see Stalin or Mussolini listed among the names.
Luckily, there were no tyrants on my class roster that day. But there was a Hilter.
He swapped the T and the L.
Fairplay, kid.
Comment below with some of the strangest names you’ve encountered in China!